Chapter Three. The best is yet to come.

Learning to be all kinds of happy

I’m sat on the sofa by the window, getting blinded by the sun but refusing to shut it out. I’m two chapters from the end of Harry Potter so when I’m done writing, I’m finishing it. Then I’m rewarding myself with a cream egg or two before taking a deep breath and picking up the very important looking paperwork that came in the post from my new employer.

Yes, I got the job! EEEEEEEK!!

If I’m honest, at first the news left me feeling all kinds of mixed emotions.

I was happy at first, goodness I nearly cried on the phone while she was telling me the good news and I’m surprised I didn’t deafen Dave when he called to congratulate me, but then almost as fast as I’d felt happy, I felt tense and uncertain again.

I found myself trying really hard not to get overwhelmed. I couldn’t relax for days. I know now that I was so happy when she rang, but I was scared too. Not scared of starting the job, but scared of letting myself be happy about it.

That probably sounds like lunacy to some of you. I just got a job I know that I’m going to love in the city I’ve always wanted to work in. Life’s moving forwards in a brilliant way, but sometimes even the positive emotions are scary. We try to suppress them because letting any emotion take control, even a happy one, means losing ourselves a little.

We worrier warriors spend a lot of our time trying to control our emotions, trying not to let the anxiety take over, but for goodness sakes, if you’re ever given a good reason to act like the crazy, excitable, over-emotional person you are on the inside, then go for it! Scream from the hill tops if you have to. Let the happy tears run wild. Don’t try to keep it in. When it finally dawned on me that I had no reason to be anxious, that everything had fallen into place and that I was in fact ridiculously happy I cried, I ran around like I’d eaten too many blue smarties and I haven’t stopped smiling since.

Now Easter weekend’s been and gone and when I wasn’t jumping for joy, or crying happy tears, I was busy having a great time.

Friday was a lazy hazy day. Dave and I ordered takeaway, watched films, I read, he played games. It was wonderful.

Saturday morning I met two great friends I haven’t seen in too long in London for brunch. It wasn’t as posh as it sounds though. Sorry to ruin the magic but we ordered greasy fried breakfast in Wetherspoons at a train station, caught up, people watched and ended the morning at the Krispy Kreme donut stand. I don’t like Krispy Kremes so I got a hot chocolate. It was a perfect morning.

Dave came to join me in London for the afternoon and we wondered around being toursists until the wind and the cold drained us of all our energy. At that point we refuelled on snacks, got the train back to Watford, ate at Wagamammas and then came home to collapse. We are both now big fans of Japanese food.

Dave and I went over to my grandparents on Sunday, where we had a beautiful lunch and a lovely day.

Monday was a house sorting, cleaning up, doing laundry kind of day and I must say we aced it. By the end of the morning the place was spic and span. Good job too, because my parents popped by with my brother in the afternoon.

Now we’ve bags of chocolate to make our way through. I’ve got just a couple of weeks to make the most of my freedom. (Because now I know I have a job on the horizon, it feels like freedom as opposed to just unemployment.) I’m happy and excited and optimistic and I feel young and world is my oyster-y at the same time as grown up and mature and adult-y. I’m all kinds of happy and glad to be so.

I’d be lying if I said the butterflies were gone all together. Now that everything’s so right, I’m terrified it’s all going to go wrong. I know how it feels to be really happy and I never want to have to be anything less again. If anything though I feel more determined than ever as a result. I’m about to take this world by storm. Watch this space.

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